


Of flying and falling.

by Exorciststuck



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Also mind the tags please I don't want to upset anyone or something, Character Death, M/M, Rose and Jade are mentioned in passing but Dave is dumb and thinks of John the most, Sadstuck, Seriously this is dumb sadstuck ugh I'll go write something happy, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 08:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exorciststuck/pseuds/Exorciststuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You used to live a life where you were loved by your best friend as much as he loved you.</p>
<p>This life just isn't it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of flying and falling.

You're sitting on the edge of a building, dressed in a suit that's as close as you can get to the one you wore when you died all those years ago. Of course, the original would never fit, and it doesn't even exist here anyway. This is close though, you think; brushing your fingers over the stitched in broken record. You didn't have any problems finding someone willing to make The Dave Strider a custom suit. You promised to get his name all over, and wore it to like ten events in a week. He deserved it. Now, now though, you're going to ruin it.

You think of how you searched for years, days and months and hours spent scouring the internet for that face. You tried Egbert, and it didn't work. John wielded so many results you didn't know what to do. By sheer luck though, you found out about him, much older than you but not dead yet.

You tried to meet him, and at first, it was great. The two of you were close friends, despite the age difference, and you knew he felt the same strange pull that you did, and you felt so much more whole. More successful than any other time in your life, you were walking down the street like a little kid; hand-in-hand with John. Crocker, his name was in this life. You thought it was stupid that the one thing he hated most in the past life meant so much in his next, and it wasn't a good form of irony in the least.

You thought you'd be able to get him to love you, remember what you had before you'd all gotten shoved into that new world. He walked down the street with a woman who had long, dark hair, accented by the greys peppering it. You spent that night drinking and crying, because you're not a success without him.

Selfishly, you ignore his messages for a long while, until they stop coming. You've seen him again since he met her, and it's been over a year now. They both sport metal bands that make your hand feel cold and remind you of what you can't have. "We can't waste time when we don't have much left!" John reminded you, with a large smile that showed off his teeth. You ached for him, and he didn't even notice.

It all leads up to where you are now, leaning over this building. The ground looks blurry from where you are, almost soft. You wonder if you'd even feel the pavement. You decide you'll just have to find out later.

Leaning back on your perch, you think about Jade and Rose, since you'd been sure to meet both of them. You haven't heard from Jade since her escape though, but you know she'll hear of this once the media gets their hands on it, and you know she'll be upset. You can't find it in yourself to care, aside from wishing she felt the same about you. It'd make things easier. Rose probably already knows what you're going to do, but you don't know if she's going to try to stop you, or if she'll let you end it. Part of you wants her to come, to drag you off and try to help you. The other part just wants to die, and it's drowning out anything else so all you can think of is how much happier John looked holding that woman's hand, than he did indulging your own affectionate needs.

The sun is beginning to fall behind the first buildings, and the reflective glass on one of them lights up the top of your building, possibly highlighting your figures to bystanders. Glancing at the ground, you think it's your time to go, and take a final swig of the bottle you had beside you. Your favourite katana lays beside you, but you won't be falling with it. Someone else needs it more than you, so it stays for him. He'll probably think you're pathetic, when he hears what you're going to do, and his opinion is one of the ones you want to keep the most positive. You still don't care enough to back out of this though, not when you've worked so hard to get ready.

Legs spread wide, you lean over the building and take a flying leap like a diver. Might as well go out graceful, you decide.

As you fall, you think of your past life, when John loved you and everything was okay and not messed up or backwards. You remember, both of you young and creative, saying how you wanted to fly. After, you both learned to fly, and it was beautiful. Now though, you've stood behind him so long your wings have eroded away in his shadow. His strong, valiant knight, and he couldn't even protect himself.

It turns out, you don't feel the pavement.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this at 8 in the morning because a friend is a fantastic muse with his music and just general awesomeness. uwu


End file.
